My Journey

Free does not mean that you establish the curriculum; only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time.

A Course in Miracles

"I am on a journey." That statement can mean many different things. It can mean a physical journey like the trip I am taking right now. It can mean a spiritual journey as is laid out in many books, one of which I am reading right now. This post is about the latter.

About a year and a half ago, I discovered a book by Dan Millman called "Way of the Peaceful Warrior". I saw it in a bookstore that is oriented toward a spiritual type of customer and I wrote the title down with the intention of looking for it in used book stores. I eventually went an even less expensive route and borrowed it from my local library. It's the story of the author's journey to find himself and to find his spiritual place in the universe. I read the book at the exact time in my life where it was able to have a strong impact on me. Some of its impact has faded, but certain ideas that are expressed in the book have stuck with me. One of the most important ideas is the idea to live in the here and now. Whenever I write or speak about that concept, I have to add that I don't mean to completely forget about the past and ignore the future. My take on that concept is to focus on the here and now, but don't forget the lessons of the past and continue tol plan for the future. Since you cannot change the past, there is no need to spend energy regretting or beating yourself up over what you have done in the past. At the same time, the future will never be exactly what you expect it to be, so there is no need to tie yourself up in knots over what may happen. I have to work on that concept each and every day. Some days it is easy to do, other days it is quite difficult. I suppose the fact that it is not always easy for me shows that I am human.

Yesterday I started the sequel to that book, "Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior". It is the story of the author's continued journey "to wisdom and peace." As I read the book, I am amazed at how I am able to relate to much of what it is saying. I am not sure that I could relate to it in the same way I do now if I had read it years ago, even a couple of years ago. I often need to be taught a concept a number of times before it truly sinks in, before it actually has meaning to me. It is often that the first time I am taught something new, I don't have the experience to understand the true meaning of what is being taught. But after hearing or reading the concept a couple of times (or more), I am able to start to use it to understand something new about my life or about my work (if it is related to my profession). All of a sudden when I read about it another time, a bright light appears and I say "Oh, that is what that means". I am having some of those experiences with this new Dan Millman book (new to me even though it was written almost 15 years ago). Here are a couple of examples:

"In my life, I've learned that at precisely those times when life seems to get worse that you may actually be getting ready to make a leap. When you feel like you're getting nowhere - stagnating, even slipping backward - what you're actually doing is backing up to get a running start."

Mama Chia
from "Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior"

I'm not sure I have been taught this before, but I know I have experienced it. And I have talked about it. I can't say that I am feeling that my life is getting worse right now, but I do feel like I am in a rut. A couple of years ago (a few months before my 50th birthday) I felt a tension of sorts was building up in my life. I felt that something was going to happen, I just didn't know what. Then I had my 50th birthday and I took a spiritual leap forward. All of a sudden I felt like I was opened to a whole new world. That feeling wore off in a few months and my life went back to a more normal state. But it was at a different level than I was at before. I wonder if I am approaching something like that now. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that whatever happens, it will be something that I did not expect.

"Why would God say no?"
"Why does a loving parent say no? Sometimes children's wants run counter to their needs. People turn to God when their foundations are shaking, only to discover it is God who's shaking them. The conscience mind cannot always foresee what is for out highest good. Faith involves a basic trust in the universe - that everything is for our highest good. This is what I believe."

Mama Chia
From "Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior"

I believe this is talking about intuition, something I have a difficult time accepting. I am a left brain sort of guy and have a difficult time accepting what my right brain tells me. I am working on it, but I still don't find it an easy thing to do. However, I am noticing more and more how little things seem to work out for me. For instance, I saw that my friend's son was going to run the same race I described in the last post. I thought my friend may be watching his son run the race, so I looked for him. Didn't really expect to see him with the thousands of people at the race, but I looked anyway. I never saw him, but decided to call after the race (even though I felt guilty about not calling before my trip). There was no answer on his cell phone, so I just hung up and didn't leave a message. He saw that I had phoned and returned my call. It turns out he and his wife also ran the race. Because I didn't let my guilt stop me from calling, I was able to see them for a couple of hours when I thought I would not see them at all on this trip.

This post appears to be one of my rambling posts, but I want to write about some of what I am feeling right now. And I want to try to convince me that I am on a journey, that I am making progress, that I don't need to see what is ahead on the path because the path will take an unexpected turn.

Perhaps in time this will make more sense to me, more sense to those around me (if they are at all interested). I wonder what I will think of this particular post when I look back on it in the future.